Anyway, on with this article. There's only so many times you can hear Slade, Paul McCartney or Shakin' Stevens in December before you feel like commandeering the near fire axe and taking your rage out on the locals. But what if you don't want to be arrested for another axe murder rampage? What if you're allergic to the varnish used on the axe handle? And what if you just want to listen to something different this Christmas?
We've got you covered. Join us after the jump for Foul Entertainment's Alternative Christmas Playlist!
The Darkness - Christmas Time
Okay, we're cheating here. Our first song is a Christmas song through and through, but it's much more bearable than the usual slog of Christmas 'classics' and X Factor singles. It might have been the last great thing The Darkness did as a band before making that awful second album. This song could happily sit on the track-list for the excellent 'Permission To Land' and would manage to fit in. The lyrics are a little more cynical than a regular Christmas tune, but the video (As is tradition for The Darkness) is pure B-Movie cheese and a joy to watch. If you're still feeling even a little festive, this is the track for you.
Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name
It's story time for this choice.
A short time ago, in a country quite, quite close....
It is a period of civil war. Rebel
single buyers, striking from a social
network, have won their first victory
against the evil Cowell Empire.
During the battle, social networkers managed
to band together against the Empire's
ultimate weapon, the X FACTOR SINGLE, an
awful song by an afwul singer with enough
awful to destroy an entire nation's sanity.
Pursued by the Cowell's sinister agents,
Rage Against The Machine races home aboard thier
protest song, custodians of the protest movement
that can save the country's sanity and restore
freedom to the UK Charts....
That's right, we'll crowbar a Star Wars reference wherever we can. Anyway, this is the perfect protest song. And it got to Xmas Number One in 2009. It automatically qualifies for inclusion on this list.
Blink 182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas
A song that perfectly encapsulates the scenario at the start of this article. It's a Christmas song in name only, as the music is 100% Blink trademark punk rock. As for the lyrics, the boys from Blink share the story of a man who gets so enraged by the festivities, he uses a baseball bat to make his feelings known. From there, it spirals into madness and ends with a prison buggery. If that doesn't show the true meaning of Christmas, I really don't know what will.
Blink 182 - Happy Holidays, You Bastard
You think we won't include both holiday inspired Blink songs? Honestly, if we could find a way to link Blink's 'Fuck A Dog' to Christmas, that would be on this list too. Anyway, this song is short, sweet and hysterical. That's all we've got.
BB King - Back Door Santa
This song is about exactly what you think it's about. Yes. That.
Steel Panther - Sexy Santa
Steel Panther know how to tread that wonderful between taking the piss and actually making good music. The song has all the hallmarks of a Christmas song as well as the glam rock trademark Panther have made themselves a name for. Also, it's Steel Panther singing about Santa having sex with people. Yes, it's immature, but it's brilliant.
Ivor Biggun - Give Us A Wink (Misprint) For Christmas
There wouldn't be Steel Panther, Spinal Tap or even Weird Al if it wasn't for the original purveyor of puerile parody, Ivor Biggun. It's not for everyone's tastes I'll admit, but there's some fantastic moments of wordplay and irony in the performance. I wouldn't drop this one in front of the family though, it's far more explicit than the other songs in this list. Sadly, the only video we could find of it has Naruto fan art on it, so again, unless you want to look like a total embarrassment to your entire family this Xmas, keep this one to yourself.
AC/DC - Mistress For Christmas
Did you know that AC/DC made a Christmas track? Neither did we! But it's AC/DC and therefore de-facto amazing.
The Vandals - My First Christmas As A Woman
Having a gender identity this Christmas? Put that Lady Gaga CD down and log out of Tumblr! Enjoy this track from punk rockers The Vandals instead! In fact, the entirety of the Vandals Xmas album, 'Christmas With The Vandals' is stuffed with songs just like this. If you're a fan of late 90's punk and breaking the norm with your winter tunes, this is a must buy.
Eric Idle - Fuck Christmas
The Python member rips down everything you've every loved about Christmas until all you're left with is the thought that the whole holiday is an utter waste of time.... Merry Christmas, everybody!
Join us again for more end of year festivities in the coming days. Keep it peeled to the website, Twitter, Facebook and SoundCloud!
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