The thing about these challenges is making them difficult yet still possible. For example in the previous challenge it was extremely difficult to integrate with a different social group, and become accepted as well. In the aftermath of what J has taken to calling 'bumgate' a mutual friend of ours, Jary, suggested we try breaking into a school.
Now me and J both knew what that reprobate was implying, he is in jail for a reason, but with a little tweaking the idea wasn't all bad. We spoke at length, long into the night, debating back and forth, trying to make the idea into something tangible. In the end I said "fuck it, let's see who can just pretend to work in one instead" and so our challenge was born.
It took me a while to decide on my plan of attack, I wasn't sure if plan of attack was the right phrase, so I went with battle strategy, since conversing with receptionists is usually a fucking battle! In the end I decided the best way to do it would be to recycle my previous disguise. I dug out my old friend, the high visibility jacket.
I entered the school, it smelled of stale chewing gum, no wonder the teachers are always moaning at kids for chewing the stuff, the receptionist was a woman so fat that when she stood up there was a kid wagging a lesson under her arse cleft. He looked happy enough, he was watching Breaking Bad on his tablet. I walked up to her and smiled, she looked at me with the amount of contempt that made me wonder if I was wearing a Jimmy Savile mask. "Alright love, I am here about the windows" it was foolproof, schools always have broken windows, kids are always kicking stuff. She half smiled, gave me a visitor pass and told me that it was over the other side and that the site manager would be over shortly. I asked her when the caretaker would be coming but she just laughed like I had made a joke or something.
I carried on this beautiful charade for a solid week, it was then that I noticed J around the place. Always carrying a piece of paper, always in a rush. He was wearing a crisp suit, well it stunk of cheese and onion anyway, it was genius. No-one paid him any attention, he looked busy and he looked the part. I knew I was in for a challenge this time, I hadn't fixed one window yet.
As soon as I finished my tea break and looked at the broken window and sighed a bit, I got in my van and went to a hardware shop. I bought all the stuff I thought I would need, a hammer, some glass and some sealant. I went home then, because I thought it would be too suspicious if I went back and did any work.
The next day I turned up bright and early with my assorted window fixing crap, I went to the woman who seemed to be treating her thyroid problem with cream cakes and chucked out my tried and tested line, pretty soon I was at the broken window again, this time ready to actually do something. I was shocked really, it had taken a month before I had to do some work, I was expecting to last three days at most. J walked past me three times before I had even finished breathing air over my teeth at the window. I knew he was worried, if I had upped the game by actually doing some work, he knew that he would have to do the same.
I smashed the window with my hammer, I mean I really whacked it, the glass fell off the frame like well cooked lamb. Before I could rear back for a second hit a hand grabbed my wrist, I turned around and the site manager was there. He did not look happy, "You're not a real window fitter are you!" the game was up, "What gave me away?" He laughed, for a little too long, "That window wasn't broken you pillock, that was a vinyl sticker the art department made" I didn't wait for what he was going to say next, I ran like fuck. I ran past J twice somehow, either I was lost or he knew a shortcut.
We met up the next day, I knew I had lost, but I still wanted to find out how he had managed to get under the radar so well "That was easy Cunt, I got a real job there"
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