The Queen? Fuck Her!

The Commonwealth games have really stirred up some ire in me recently. I try not to watch it, because quite honestly, it is wank. But what has really got me going is the frenzied almost masturbatory excitement that has been generated by people getting selfies with The Queen. Now, I know what you are all thinking; What has she ever done to you? How can you hate the Queen?

Well don't worry, I will tell you.

First off, she is the reason this country is a nation of job-shy scroungers. She costs every man, woman and child 52p, is the standard line, but the thing is that doesn't take into account her security costs and her 'income'; Which if she wasn't around would be public fund. What does she get this veritable fortune for? Opening a few shops, annoying kids at schools and pulling really creepy faces when making people knights of the realm.

"You may rise Sir Cunt" 

"It's pronounced 'Wogan', maam"

I don't understand how anyone who is a 'Royalist' can complain about the benefit culture in this country. Those Special Brew quaffing reprobates are only following the fantastic example set by our own head of state. And don't get me started on people moaning about immigrants. If a German woman and a Greek man can claim a small fortune from the British public and be called a national treasure, then so can Illie the Romanian.

Secondly, the whole lot of the royals look down on everyone else for having inferior breeding. Well, if inferior means that no-one in my family has fucked their sister within ten generations, then I am completely cool with that. When you need to lock some of your children in a tower for being mutants, then maybe you should look at your breeding plans and revise them a little bit.

 Didn't work too well for The Grail.

Thirdly, arguments for the Royals  include how much they bring in via tourism... and that is it. Let me just stop that one right there for a second; Buckingham Palace? Not owned by the Royals. And if they all died tomorrow in an implausible King Ralph type scenario, people would still fucking visit it and pay £18 for the privilege. There are no Gladiators or Emperors in Italy anymore, but when I went, the Colosseum was still right up there on my list of things to go and see. No Queen doesn't mean no tourist income, it just means one less drain on society.

Let us not forget that even the shining light of the Royals, Dead Diana, was still an adulterous slut who spent her time insulting the woman who brought up her children, while she galavanted around shagging rugby players and members of the armed forces.

"She had HOW many poor people in her?!"

Cut them all off! Well, not completely off. Obviously they will be entitled to a pension, depending on their National Insurance contributions over the years. Which I would imagine she does pay, seeing as she does pay voluntary income tax on her 'income'. Of course if she doesn't, then maybe she could apply for Job-seekers Allowance. And maybe if someone could look past her massive period of not working on her CV she might even get a job.

I guarantee that within three weeks of being cut off from the giant tax paying tit, her and Phil would be in Iceland trying to buy frozen swan. I doubt he would like it there, though. Far too many foreigners and not enough women willing to help him cheat on his wife now that he doesn't have a giant bank balance.

 The only type of Queen I would give 52p a year to.